You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
