i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
