Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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