You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
