Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
