I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
