I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
