Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
