Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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