This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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