While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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