apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
