i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
