Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
