He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
