shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
