i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
