Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
