I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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