my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
