sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
