Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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