did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was confusing and full of hummus
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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