my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
