Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
