am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
