it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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