WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
