dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
