please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
