I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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