omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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