He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
