I'm drive I can fine osifer
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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