all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
