I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
