Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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