I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
