you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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