I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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