I'm so fucking centered right now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
