do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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