Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
