Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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