I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
