I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
