So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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