party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
