hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
