Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
