she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
